If you live far away from a person you no longer want to date just let them know that they are geographically undesirable.

Valentine's Day is a time to celebrate the joy of being in love. Unless you're single & lonely then it's called Laundry Day.

I do try to keep my show very improvisational. I don't work off a set list; I like to keep it more in the moment. I like to have information about where I'm going, what might be happening in that particular region as well. I like for people to feel like the show is for them.

My advice is: to try and stay really true to the things that make YOU laugh, as opposed to trying to create a character that you think is funny. Some comedians get into bad habits when they are trying to create something that is not them, and they are trying to write a voice that isn't their true voice.

There's estrogen running through my veins!

It's hard to be happy for someone when you know deep down they'd kill you if they had the chance.

I love singing along to the radio while I'm riding in the back of a squad car.