If you live far away from a person you no longer want to date just let them know that they are geographically undesirable.

I work with a lot of kids. Every year, for the past fifteen years, I work at Comedy Camp where I work with a lot of kids.

I can always get better. A lot of my ex-girlfriends don't think I'm funny.

I saw a young boy eating an ice cream cone, ... I smashed it in his face. You know that kid is going to remember me when he's 50.

I never leave a dog alone in a car on a hot day. I make sure it's with an elderly person holding a baby.

You know your gut instincts are spot on about a person when you can also detect a water source in the soil beneath them.

That MySpace is the story of the year. Everyone but my mother is on it.