If you live far away from a person you no longer want to date just let them know that they are geographically undesirable.

I would love to have acidy spit.

You are the director of your own life story. Don't cast idiots or people will walk out during your 2nd act.

My grandmother died of natural causes. Or as my family calls it murdered by the lord.

When I have a really hot date at a show, I definitely make it a point to use her name. The girls really love that.

In the year 3000, everything will be instant.

I'm a late-night guy.