You are the director of your own life story. Don't cast idiots or people will walk out during your 2nd act.

Sometimes the only solution is figuring out a bigger problem to focus on.

We're all gonna lie, we're all gonna cry, and we're all gonna take painful shits.

You are the director of your own life story. Don't cast idiots or people will walk out during your 2nd act.

I have never even had a sip of alcohol, never have done drugs. The hardest thing I have ever done would be Pepsi.

I was told by a girl once that I should teach a course on how to kiss properly. I thought that was really a nice compliment. I then asked her what she thought about my sexual prowess and she recommended I talk to a guy she used to date. Body blow.

What am I supposed to say to an atheist when he sneezes, ah, when you die nothing happens.