I don't know if I could kill someone with a frozen turkey because that is a lot of evidence to eat .... unless I found a whole room of people who also wanted that person dead.

I'm willing to write a check for $10,000 if someone can bring to me what I fell is ruining thousands of lives, destroying lives everyday. And I know that you know it's a little thing called Chupacabra.

Any guy that refers to dating women as the hunt or being on the prowl should be evaluated for a number of conditions.

I do think I am funny, or I wouldn't be where I am today. I do think there is always room for improvement and learning.

It's the worst feeling when you come home alone late at night and think the stranger sitting on your couch is a pile of clothes.

When you're on a movie set and you are hopefully making a comedy, everyone's stifling their laughter. You're looking at the crew guys, hoping someone is making that face like, and not like, this is not working out, man.

I have a new saying, what I see in Vegas, I am telling everybody.