Video games don't make people go nuts. I played Super Mario forever. Not once hopping on a turtle or smash my head through a brick ceiling.

I always wanted to do a B&E. Not bacon and eggs. Although I could always go for bacon and eggs. I'm talking about breaking in and entering.

Quote/Unquote and you can quote me on the quote/unquote.

I found someones passport on the ground tonight. Where do you sell these things?

I don't have to do anything for anyone else's benefit anymore. I just want to exceed my own expectations.

You have to realize, when you're a comedian, that you have to have a thick skin. And trust me, being onstage in front of people is already difficult enough. Somebody's personal attack in an email is not as hard as getting onstage.

I feel like the gods have certainly patted me on the head.