Sometimes, like we all do, I look at myself in the mirror. Sometimes I cry. Like a really hard cry like you just watch yourself cry but then you're done and you're just glowing and you're staring at yourself.

If you have to be at work at 8, it's always like, 7:54. Just enough time to do nothing. To just lay there and go, "I can't do anything! I can't even have an English muffin!

I miss dating only for that final moment you kiss goodnight, watch her get out of your car and run into the police station.

You need to open up your soul and have a weep-a-thon.

When I first hit the scene, it was just a lot of go, go, go, go, go. I have a lot of natural energy anyway, but it was over the top.

I can always get better. A lot of my ex-girlfriends don't think I'm funny.

They used to beat me up after Sunday School, I used to get beat up... yeah, that's a nice little thank you from Jesus.