Trolls look for reasons to hate but really what they are mad at is the fact they are not included in anything ever.

Time machine... wouldn't you like to travel through time? I would. I'd go back... mess with people. You know what I would do? I would go back to when my mom and dad were having sex, to have me. Ya'know, come in, spank my dad on the ass I'm your son from the future! Ahaha!

There was a girl I loved in high school - but never spoke to. Cut to my five-year reunion: I'm an entirely different person.

Some girls look beautiful with no makeup on at all. I call them lazy. Now go throw some war paint on you bleak empty canvas you.

You have to have a strong sense of humor to date me, and also know that you're probably going to be a part of the routine quite a bit.

There's always someone in every group of friends that nobody likes.

My advice is: to try and stay really true to the things that make YOU laugh, as opposed to trying to create a character that you think is funny. Some comedians get into bad habits when they are trying to create something that is not them, and they are trying to write a voice that isn't their true voice.