I'm in a new club, by the way. And I don't know if you're first timers like I am, but I'm in the 'I Just Dropped My Cell Phone In My Own Piss' Club. Have you done that? Yeah, good times. I'm on the phone and I forget that I'm using shoulder technique. Urinals were taken so I went in to use the regular john. And as I'm standing there, mid-conversation, I'm like 'Are you serious?' and it just started to toboggan right down my powerful chest.

Anger has a way of seeping into every other emotion and planting itself in there.

You must accept responsibility for your actions. This doesn't include reactions, interactions or transactions if you're thinkin' loophole.

Are there glass shards in my anus?!

Why do bad guys in movies always love to whistle really slowly?

I can't watch a woman play with herself - to me, it looks like a DJ working the turntables... DJ Diddles.

A couple of days back, I got into a car accident. Not my fault. Even if it's not your fault, the other person gets out of their car and looks at you like it's your fault: Why did you stop at a red light and let me hit you doing 80!