I never leave a dog alone in a car on a hot day. I make sure it's with an elderly person holding a baby.

Here's the thing about Red Sox fans, or actually just fans from that region, in general: they appreciate the effort. And if you mail it in or if you give 80 percent, even with a win, they'll let you know that's not how you do it. They want - if it's comedian, if it's a musician, bring us your best show.

Teach your kids to make deplorable choices and hopefully they'll rebel and make the right ones.

Comedy is immediate. Comedy is a solo mission. You're all by yourself, up there. And when you're in a film, on a set, it's a collaborative effort. It's about me being a tool for somebody else to create a story and a character from nothing, from their imagination.

Pain only hurts when you are looking for a reason to quit. You don't feel a thing when you know you can still win.

I'm quitting the business today. I'm going to open up an appliance store, I've always really been into toasters. I'm giving it all up.

I am going to name a group of my kids after my favorite cartoons, I am going to name them after Transformers.