When you don't have love, it's like there's a party going on, and everybody was invited, except for you. And you just happened to be walking by that house in the rain...

You can easily tell if a person is lying and cheating on you if they say, I love you. I would never lie to you or cheat on you.

I love being on stage if I'm not on a set. If I'm at home, I'm usually in my office editing or reconstructing my website or whatever it may be. I just love putting creativity into a performance.

What happens in Vegas, I'm telling everyone.

I once overheard the sweetest old woman behind me on a train tell her adorable old husband as he scoffed down a ham sandwich she had brought along, "If you ever yell at me to "stop bringing a ham sandwich with me every where we go" again? Next time I'm bringing a gun. And I'm blowing your God damn head off."

I could take my time, and nobody was pressuring me to be a headliner. I could go up there, find my voice, and figure out what I wanted to do.

I'm sure that people who have been tweeting funny things have ended up on writing staffs of a late night show.