I'm glad that my parents missed one thing that was really unbelievable. They saw me hit this great success. It was a blast and we had a lot of laughs. And it was just an amazing time. They passed away. And then after I got, you know, famous, all these haters came out of nowhere.
Dane CookI never leave a dog alone in a car on a hot day. I make sure it's with an elderly person holding a baby.
Dane CookYou can try to steal the thunder all you want, it just reminds people I'm the lightning. You rumble in the distance. I light up the sky.
Dane CookI was told by a girl once that I should teach a course on how to kiss properly. I thought that was really a nice compliment. I then asked her what she thought about my sexual prowess and she recommended I talk to a guy she used to date. Body blow.
Dane Cook