If you live far away from a person you no longer want to date just let them know that they are geographically undesirable.
I'm shooting a pilot based on my show. It's a one-camera show. I play myself.
Even when I go to a salad bar, I need to feel like I'm one of the first people there.
I can always get better. A lot of my ex-girlfriends don't think I'm funny.
I had never done a roast, but I really wanted to, because it's so different from standup.
When you don't have love, it's like there's a party going on, and everybody was invited, except for you. And you just happened to be walking by that house in the rain...