I had one job that was kind of cop-like. One summer I did security at a miniature golf course. Just standing out in the sun all day, Hey, hey, excuse me sir. Get your putter out of the whale's ass. Come on, this is a place of miniature business. This is not a playground even though it looks like a playground.
Dane CookYou are the director of your own life story. Don't cast idiots or people will walk out during your 2nd act.
Dane CookYou know your gut instincts are spot on about a person when you can also detect a water source in the soil beneath them.
Dane CookI don't know if I could kill someone with a frozen turkey because that is a lot of evidence to eat .... unless I found a whole room of people who also wanted that person dead.
Dane CookI'm sure that people who have been tweeting funny things have ended up on writing staffs of a late night show.
Dane Cook