I had one job that was kind of cop-like. One summer I did security at a miniature golf course. Just standing out in the sun all day, Hey, hey, excuse me sir. Get your putter out of the whale's ass. Come on, this is a place of miniature business. This is not a playground even though it looks like a playground.

Sometimes, like we all do, I look at myself in the mirror. Sometimes I cry. Like a really hard cry like you just watch yourself cry but then you're done and you're just glowing and you're staring at yourself.

Sometimes, when you want to make a difference in a person's life, stay out of it.

I like fearless characters, people just not afraid to do anything it takes to make people laugh.

I'm a deep thinker when it comes to shallow no brainers.

I don't like when juice wears tights, its a horrible combination when juice wears tights.

You know your girls up to no good when her and her friends make a pact to post nothing on Instagram.