I am going to name a group of my kids after my favorite cartoons, I am going to name them after Transformers.

I don't hate anyone. I simply block them out using hellish visions in a blind white rage. But if I see them out I'm pleasant.

I'm not giving up on life. I'm giving up on today.

You have to have a strong sense of humor to date me, and also know that you're probably going to be a part of the routine quite a bit.

I love hecklers. They remind you that you are a comedian.

I've always read books and loved human behavior since I was ten or twelve years old. Maybe even that's why I wanted to do comedy.

I can't do anything! I can't even have an English muffin!