The little boy inside of all us men always loves something video game related.

Even when I go to a salad bar, I need to feel like I'm one of the first people there.

You know you're lazy when you run out of toilet paper and use the cardboard roll to wipe with.

Teach your kids to make deplorable choices and hopefully they'll rebel and make the right ones.

When I first hit the scene, it was just a lot of go, go, go, go, go. I have a lot of natural energy anyway, but it was over the top.

Here's the thing about Red Sox fans, or actually just fans from that region, in general: they appreciate the effort. And if you mail it in or if you give 80 percent, even with a win, they'll let you know that's not how you do it. They want - if it's comedian, if it's a musician, bring us your best show.

I had one job that was kind of cop-like. One summer I did security at a miniature golf course. Just standing out in the sun all day, Hey, hey, excuse me sir. Get your putter out of the whale's ass. Come on, this is a place of miniature business. This is not a playground even though it looks like a playground.