I can always get better. A lot of my ex-girlfriends don't think I'm funny.

If haters or whatever want to find you - I mean, some of them are so tenacious. You want to hire them to work for you. Theyre very, very savvy in terms of how they find you and get to you.

If you use tact you can say anything, then make it funny.

I was home educated but would skip my lessons to go hang out at school.

I always thought that if I got no love at all early in my standup career, or I was god awful, I thought I'd get into psychology.

A couple of days back, I got into a car accident. Not my fault. Even if it's not your fault, the other person gets out of their car and looks at you like it's your fault: Why did you stop at a red light and let me hit you doing 80!

On stage I am the actor, director and the bouncer all at the same time. Fear does not exist in this dojo does it? No Sensi! Sorry when I get excited I have to toss in some Karate Kid quotes.