Ben Roethlisberger is Tim Tebow minus Jesus.

I'm not a racist or misogynist person, but I find these jokes funny, so I say them.

One day, I want to get rich enough so that every time I walk into a room I can release a dozen doves.

Now remember kids if anyone ever offers you drugs say 'Thank you' cause drugs are very expensive.

I have no idea why people want to watch puppets be the slightly meaner version of the weirdo holding them. It's beyond my comprehension.

High school is just like glee, a bunch of people dying of drug overdose.

I don't believe space exists. You're not gonna put a camera on a roomba, stick it in the desert, and tell me it's Mars.