Ben Roethlisberger is Tim Tebow minus Jesus.

Decorating the gym can't mask the fact that it smells like a mix between corsage and balls.

The only advice I have for youth is to date outside your race. I just think it's so cute when I see little kids in interracial relationships; it makes me feel like I'm watching a commercial.

Oh, southern rappers... so hard to write a rhyme when you only know 30 words.

Making a good music video isn't easy. If it were, MTV would still be showing them instead of '16 and Pregnant,' which I assume is shot exclusively in Utah.

The most important part of any CrossFit workout is posting about it endlessly on social media. How about you just brag about all the kettlebell burpees you did to the other whackos in your cult?

You can accept that things are awful and still have a sense of humor about it.