One day, I want to get rich enough so that every time I walk into a room I can release a dozen doves.
Daniel ToshI will shut down Instagram so girls can't use filters into tricking us that they are that pretty; you're eyes aren't that blue, and you don't glow.
Daniel ToshWe owe it to our troops to let them sleep in their own beds, wake up in the morning, have a delicious breakfast, and drive to war.
Daniel ToshThank you people that are laughing with your hand away from your mouth. That joke is clearly not for everyone, but I enjoy watching people that don't laugh make the people that do laugh feel shitty about themselves.
Daniel Tosh