I can say that. I have a television show.

You know your girlfriend is too young when she'll do everything in bed but go upside down because it's too scary.

The flat-brimmed cap is the modern day dunce cap.

Scattergories is second base for Christians.

Girls say it's hard to find nice guys. It's actually really easy. It's just all nice guys are ugly.

Instead of dumping all my money on an independent film that nobody would watch and most people would make fun of behind my back, I decided, 'I'm just going to buy a house.'

I'm aware that I should end a joke with the good part, I choose not too.