I wanna get rich enough in life that I can afford to release a dozen doves every time I walk into a room. You know people would be like, 'Did you see that guy come out of the bathroom? The one with doves, it was beautiful.'

God does not hate gay people. He's just mad because they found a loophole in His system.

I'm going to be cremated from the neck down. And at my funeral, when people are talking about me, they have to hold my head. And then at the end, they have to kick me into the audience and the audience has to keep me up for at least three hits or you have to start the whole service over. No cradling it - I want legit sets.

I grew up in Florida and went to school there, and ended up going to University of Central Florida.

How come everybody cheers when chicks flash their T&A, but when I pull out my D&Bs, i'm a registered sex offender.

I fell asleep watching the country music channel and woke up racist.

Is it okay to roofie a girl just to shut her up?