The day I notice a cyclist obey a stop sign is the day I'll stop enjoying watching them bounce off my hood.

I'm aware that I should end a joke with the good part, I choose not too.

It's funny... you can make fun of AIDS or Haiti, but if you make fun of some starlet in Hollywood's looks? That's like the one thing... the line you are not to cross.

If it weren't for men, this planet would be overrun with giant spiders.

Now remember kids if anyone ever offers you drugs say 'Thank you' cause drugs are very expensive.

I don't know, maybe I'm immature, but I still find it funny if I dump cold water on my girlfriend when she's in the shower.

No matter how flat you make your pancakes, it still has two sides.