Don't you love it when people in school are like, โI'm a bad test takerโ? You mean, you're stupid. Oh, you struggle with that part where we find out what you know? Oh. No, no, I can totally relate. See, because I'm a brilliant painter, minus my God-awful brushstrokes. Oh, how the masterpiece is crystal up here, but once paint hits canvas, I develop Parkinson's.
Daniel ToshSomebody bought me a Snuggie as a joke gift. Haha, the joke's on you, I enjoy it. I toss and turn at night, finally a blanket that's like, 'I'm going to keep you warm.' It's like having a small child with polio keep you in a full nelson - the perfect pressure.
Daniel ToshThat Asian guy is really good at kicking. Shocking. Someone is pressing 'A' really fast somewhere.
Daniel ToshWe owe it to our troops to let them sleep in their own beds, wake up in the morning, have a delicious breakfast, and drive to war.
Daniel Tosh