How come New York gets all the cool plane crashes?

Canadians complain too much. 'I like seasons.' So do I; that's why I live in a place that skips the [unpleasant] ones.

If you snort enough blow, any lane is a passing lane.

The only advice I have for youth is to date outside your race. I just think it's so cute when I see little kids in interracial relationships; it makes me feel like I'm watching a commercial.

The day I notice a cyclist obey a stop sign is the day I'll stop enjoying watching them bounce off my hood.

I actually got a part in 'The Love Guru', that Mike Myers film. I heard it's awful. I got a Razzie award for it, which I'm quite proud of, but I still haven't seen it. I have no plans to branch out.

The hardest working person in showbusiness has never been or ever will be a 'famous person'.