I'm actually all for gay marriage. Just the thought of having a man around the house.

I wanna get rich enough in life that I can afford to release a dozen doves every time I walk into a room. You know people would be like, 'Did you see that guy come out of the bathroom? The one with doves, it was beautiful.'

Big can be beautiful - just not to me. I find you disgusting; freshmen 15 is not a life sentence.

Yes, I am aware that I am the gayer version of Jeff Lewis.

Sometimes, when I'm feeling down because nothing seems to be going right, I like to take a home pregnancy test. Then I can say, 'Hey, at least I'm not pregnant.'

You ever hear girls say that? "I'm not religious, but I'm spiritual." I like to reply with "I'm not honest, but you're interesting!"

Bill Hicks is a huge influence. I love him.