I'm not a racist or misogynist person, but I find these jokes funny, so I say them.
The day I notice a cyclist obey a stop sign is the day I'll stop enjoying watching them bounce off my hood.
I fell asleep watching the country music channel and woke up racist.
I feel bad sometimes because I secretly hope New Orleans gets nailed again.
I think if you're gonna get a tattoo, just get one: the words, 'I'm dumb.' That's it. That way in 10 years, when you go, 'Why did I get this?,' you can be like, 'Oh, I'm dumb!'
I don't know what's more embarrassing in this country, that Michael Phelps fell from the graces for smoking marijuana or that you looked up to a swimmer in the first place?