If you offer me a starring role in a movie, I have no interest.
I love people of all ethnicities, as long as they're not ugly.
I'm not honest, but you're interesting!
I hope we find a cure for every major disease, because I'm tired of walking 5K. I'm pretty sure I don't have to sweat for cancer. I'll write a check.
Oh, southern rappers... so hard to write a rhyme when you only know 30 words.
Fifty Shades Of Grey proved you can write about a dude choking women and shoving stuff up their butts but heaven forbid if you tell a legitimate joke about it. Sure I doubled the number of feminists who hate me, but I also doubled the number of shows I have on TV. No regrets.