You know who likes to get fisted? Sock puppets.

The most important part of any CrossFit workout is posting about it endlessly on social media. How about you just brag about all the kettlebell burpees you did to the other whackos in your cult?

We owe it to our troops to let them sleep in their own beds, wake up in the morning, have a delicious breakfast, and drive to war.

No touching... Cashmere is highly sensitive to the oil in poor people's fingers.

If you snort enough blow, any lane is a passing lane.

I do think we can be a little less PC when it comes to sports, though. Just once I want to hear an announcer go 'God, black people are fast. Holy cow! All of them. They're fast. Back to you Bob.'

If security guards aren't allowed to carry guns, I don't have to obey their made up rules.