You know who likes to get fisted? Sock puppets.

I've always thought having a kid that played soccer would be the worst punishment. After watching 3 min of water polo I stand corrected.

Thank you ... San Francisco. All right, you're ruining the show. Thank you ... for clapping for what my parents are ashamed of.

The flat-brimmed cap is the modern day dunce cap.

I assume the only reason we have them is so that white people feel relevant in sports. Because other than that the only thing the winter Olympics show me is which country has more rich white kids. What's it cost to go skiing - $900 a day? I can't believe that's not more popular in the inner cities.

The only thing better than the world's cutest cat is any dog.

No one dies a virgin, Life screws us all