Models: I'm not voting for you for any stupid magazine list! If you were really that Hot you wouldn't have to beg the world to stuff the ballot.

The only advice I have for youth is to date outside your race. I just think it's so cute when I see little kids in interracial relationships; it makes me feel like I'm watching a commercial.

I don't know what popping-and-locking is but I know to lock my car door whenever people are doing it.

It's all fun and games until someone gets a boner.

The day I notice a cyclist obey a stop sign is the day I'll stop enjoying watching them bounce off my hood.

Here’s what I tell people now when they come to my shows: “First of all, thank you for stimulating the economy, or at least my economic package.”

I never want to cannibalize my act, and I'm really excited that I am going to be able to perform new material. I'm not a huge fan of repeating jokes, and I don't really do any of my old material from old stand-up acts.