Models: I'm not voting for you for any stupid magazine list! If you were really that Hot you wouldn't have to beg the world to stuff the ballot.

Thank you people that are laughing with your hand away from your mouth. That joke is clearly not for everyone, but I enjoy watching people that don't laugh make the people that do laugh feel shitty about themselves.

You know, you can only cram your beliefs down a young kid's throat for so long before he goes, "you know, the other side seems to be having a lot more fun."

Technically it's not premarital sex if you don't plan on marrying them.

You never see anyone wearing a black turtleneck and leather jacket doing something nice.

Germany's like Wisconsin, but with, like, a really bad past.

Girls say it's hard to find nice guys. It's actually really easy. It's just all nice guys are ugly.