It's not Spring Break until somebody dies!

I don't know, maybe I'm immature, but I still find it funny if I dump cold water on my girlfriend when she's in the shower.

I'm going to be cremated from the neck down. And at my funeral, when people are talking about me, they have to hold my head. And then at the end, they have to kick me into the audience and the audience has to keep me up for at least three hits or you have to start the whole service over. No cradling it - I want legit sets.

I worked in Toronto for two days. And by work I mean sit in a trailer for 15 hours, say two lines, and leave.

My favorite thing to steal is a kiss. You can get arrested for it but they can't force you to give it back.

I really don’t work a whole lot as far as touring, but I do stand-up every night of my life, no matter where I am. It’s really made the touring a lot less grueling.

A gynecologist is the dentist for the downstairs mouth.