It's not Spring Break until somebody dies!

I've always thought having a kid that played soccer would be the worst punishment. After watching 3 min of water polo I stand corrected.

Somebody bought me a Snuggie as a joke gift. Haha, the joke's on you, I enjoy it. I toss and turn at night, finally a blanket that's like, 'I'm going to keep you warm.' It's like having a small child with polio keep you in a full nelson - the perfect pressure.

Now it's time for amasians... That's Asians doing something amazing.

I’m a Bad Test Taker…you mean you’re stupid?

Girls say it's hard to find nice guys. It's actually really easy. It's just all nice guys are ugly.

I heart abortion. Where's the shirt for that, urban outfitters?! And it won't be a normal heart. It'll be a dead infant heart. Y'know what the back will say? Problem Solved.