The national anthem blows. Are you kidding me? Do any of you have it on your iPod?

Canadians complain too much. 'I like seasons.' So do I; that's why I live in a place that skips the [unpleasant] ones.

God does not hate gay people. He's just mad because they found a loophole in His system.

I came up with my own expression. I like to make it hail. Yeah. That's when you throw change on sluts.

There's no excuse for domestic violence. It sounds like a challenge. I mean, does everything have to be so black-and-white in this kindergarten country of ours? What if you come home from a long day at work and your wife has drowned two of your kids - she's about to dunk the third one. Can you run over and pop her then? Unfortunately no, there's no excuse. You're going to have to let her drown that third one.

If security guards aren't allowed to carry guns, I don't have to obey their made up rules.

The great thing about Los Angeles is that you can get so much money in this town by constantly failing. You can get a lot of television deals that don't go anywhere, but you still get paid.