The most important part of any CrossFit workout is posting about it endlessly on social media. How about you just brag about all the kettlebell burpees you did to the other whackos in your cult?

Cheaters never prosper, unless they get away with it.

If you offer me a starring role in a movie, I have no interest.

I love people of all ethnicities, as long as they're not ugly.

I don't know what's funny and what's not so I test out all of my material in front of audiences.

Now remember kids if anyone ever offers you drugs say 'Thank you' cause drugs are very expensive.

I'm actually all for gay marriage. Just the thought of having a man around the house.