Sometimes my mind wanders; other times it leaves completely.

Now remember kids if anyone ever offers you drugs say 'Thank you' cause drugs are very expensive.

You know who likes to get fisted? Sock puppets.

Have you heard about the morning after pill, or what I like to call breakfast in bed. Well have you heard about how some of the girls who have taken have died a few days later? Talk about two birds, looks like I will be going to the game this weekend boys.

I don't know why I get away with some things. But I'm not a misogynistic, racist person. Yet I do find those jokes funny, so I say them. And I try to say everything kind of in a good spirit.

No one dies a virgin, Life screws us all

How come everybody cheers when chicks flash their T&A, but when I pull out my D&Bs, i'm a registered sex offender.