I have no idea why people want to watch puppets be the slightly meaner version of the weirdo holding them. It's beyond my comprehension.

Never hit a woman unless you are a bigger woman.

Of course the sexiest thing a girl can do is not complain about her body.

I hope God speaks English. If I get up to heaven and have to point at a menu, I'm gonna be pissed.

Of course money buys happiness. You ever seen a homeless person skip? The answer to that riddle's no. They're not allowed.

If I offend anybody tonight, I apologize. That's not my intention. I'm not going to guess what your personal line of decency is; I cross my own from time to time - it's how I know I still have one.

Making a good music video isn't easy. If it were, MTV would still be showing them instead of '16 and Pregnant,' which I assume is shot exclusively in Utah.