Being a white boxer is like being a republican. No matter how hard you work, you'll always lose because of the Mexicans.

The only thing better than the world's cutest cat is any dog.

Big, skinny, regular size it doesn't matter as long as your young.

My favorite thing to steal is a kiss. You can get arrested for it but they can't force you to give it back.

I dated a teacher in high school. Yeah, it didn't make me cooler. And a lot of you are like 'that's cause you were homeschooled'.

Am I the only person who hopes that David Beckham has sex with Brad Pitt? I don't know who's in charge of casting in Hollywood, but make it happen before one of them is out of their prime. Can you imagine those two men together making love? If there's a man in here that's junk doesn't wiggle just a little bit at the thought of those two men together - this has nothing to do with your homophobic sexual preference. At that level it's art, you monkey. You should be honored that you share the same restroom with those Greek gods.

Kangoroos can't hop backwards.