I'm aware that I should end a joke with the good part, I choose not too.

How come New York gets all the cool plane crashes?

I think if you're gonna get a tattoo, just get one: the words, 'I'm dumb.' That's it. That way in 10 years, when you go, 'Why did I get this?,' you can be like, 'Oh, I'm dumb!'

Germany's like Wisconsin, but with, like, a really bad past.

It's not a stereotype if it's always true.

I started my own foundation. If you aren't familiar with it, it's called 'Febreezing the homeless.' Who would you rather give money to: a man that smells 4like liquiid garbage, or ocean breeze?

How come everybody cheers when chicks flash their T&A, but when I pull out my D&Bs, i'm a registered sex offender.