I'm aware that I should end a joke with the good part, I choose not too.

I don't know what's more embarrassing in this country, that Michael Phelps fell from the graces for smoking marijuana or that you looked up to a swimmer in the first place?

If you offer me a starring role in a movie, I have no interest.

I don't know what popping-and-locking is but I know to lock my car door whenever people are doing it.

I do think we can be a little less PC when it comes to sports, though. Just once I want to hear an announcer go 'God, black people are fast. Holy cow! All of them. They're fast. Back to you Bob.'

Never trust anyone who buttons their top button.

How come everybody cheers when chicks flash their T&A, but when I pull out my D&Bs, i'm a registered sex offender.