Never trust anyone who buttons their top button.
My favorite thing to steal is a kiss. You can get arrested for it but they can't force you to give it back.
You know who likes to get fisted? Sock puppets.
You are a sick freak who should be beaten.
Bill Hicks is a huge influence. I love him.
I really don’t work a whole lot as far as touring, but I do stand-up every night of my life, no matter where I am. It’s really made the touring a lot less grueling.