I'm going to be cremated from the neck down. And at my funeral, when people are talking about me, they have to hold my head. And then at the end, they have to kick me into the audience and the audience has to keep me up for at least three hits or you have to start the whole service over. No cradling it - I want legit sets.

Every video from Russia is depressing, it's like they have their cameras set to sad.

Oh, southern rappers... so hard to write a rhyme when you only know 30 words.

No matter how flat you make your pancakes, it still has two sides.

I'm actually all for gay marriage. Just the thought of having a man around the house.

Sometimes, when I'm feeling down because nothing seems to be going right, I like to take a home pregnancy test. Then I can say, 'Hey, at least I'm not pregnant.'

I'm not a good actor, I can play myself and a much gayer version of myself. That's my range.