Don't you love it when people in school are like, “I'm a bad test taker”? You mean, you're stupid. Oh, you struggle with that part where we find out what you know? Oh. No, no, I can totally relate. See, because I'm a brilliant painter, minus my God-awful brushstrokes. Oh, how the masterpiece is crystal up here, but once paint hits canvas, I develop Parkinson's.

Models: I'm not voting for you for any stupid magazine list! If you were really that Hot you wouldn't have to beg the world to stuff the ballot.

You know what really shuts up a bully? Learning how to build a pipe-bomb!

I grew up in Florida and went to school there, and ended up going to University of Central Florida.

How come New York gets all the cool plane crashes?

The only thing surfers have in common with the rest of America is they're unemployed and they love crystal meth.

I don't know what fire is made of - hell nobody does. All I know is that fire is awesome. I'm not a pyromaniac, but I am a pyroenthusiast.