I don't know what's more embarrassing in this country, that Michael Phelps fell from the graces for smoking marijuana or that you looked up to a swimmer in the first place?

I hope God speaks English. If I get up to heaven and have to point at a menu, I'm gonna be pissed.

Now remember kids if anyone ever offers you drugs say 'Thank you' cause drugs are very expensive.

I'm sick of the media making female sports athletes into supermodels, when they're clearly sixes at best.

If you had to eat another human to survive, do you think they'd taste like their ethnic background?

I've always thought having a kid that played soccer would be the worst punishment. After watching 3 min of water polo I stand corrected.

e foundation to a good friendship is trust but the foundation to good comedy is by betraying your friends.