Bill Hicks is a huge influence. I love him.

How come New York gets all the cool plane crashes?

The most important part of any CrossFit workout is posting about it endlessly on social media. How about you just brag about all the kettlebell burpees you did to the other whackos in your cult?

Real patriotism is realizing America sucks, but everywhere else is a thousand times worse.

Never hit a woman unless you are a bigger woman.

You never see anyone wearing a black turtleneck and leather jacket doing something nice.

I'm sick of the media making female sports athletes into supermodels, when they're clearly sixes at best.