No one dies a virgin, Life screws us all

I don't know what's more embarrassing in this country, that Michael Phelps fell from the graces for smoking marijuana or that you looked up to a swimmer in the first place?

I fell asleep watching the country music channel and woke up racist.

Real patriotism is realizing America sucks, but everywhere else is a thousand times worse.

I mean my goal is to get Michael Richards to do stand up at the Laugh Factory to an all black audience.

Am I the only person who hopes that David Beckham has sex with Brad Pitt? I don't know who's in charge of casting in Hollywood, but make it happen before one of them is out of their prime. Can you imagine those two men together making love? If there's a man in here that's junk doesn't wiggle just a little bit at the thought of those two men together - this has nothing to do with your homophobic sexual preference. At that level it's art, you monkey. You should be honored that you share the same restroom with those Greek gods.

Being a white boxer is like being a republican. No matter how hard you work, you'll always lose because of the Mexicans.