I go to the dentist every six months, I get a cleaning, so... I'm fortunate enough that those fluoride treatments as a child worked. Not getting any cavities.

The flat-brimmed cap is the modern day dunce cap.

How about we get rid of separate bathrooms for boys and girls? Gays and straights share the bathroom with zero issues. We need to put an end to the sexist pooping policies of yesterday. The only way to achieve gender equality is to start crapping in front of each other.

Yes, I am aware that I am the gayer version of Jeff Lewis.

Spelling is difficult because there are too many rules. Silent letters only exist to make it harder for illegal immigrants to learn English.

I'm a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect!

If you snort enough blow, any lane is a passing lane.