I assume the only reason we have them is so that white people feel relevant in sports. Because other than that the only thing the winter Olympics show me is which country has more rich white kids. What's it cost to go skiing - $900 a day? I can't believe that's not more popular in the inner cities.

I think it's kinda funny that all these rappers that used to be gangsters and thugs are telling us not to download their music from the internet, because that's stealing. Wow talk about ironic.

Babies aren't dishwasher-safe.

Decorating the gym can't mask the fact that it smells like a mix between corsage and balls.

High school is just like glee, a bunch of people dying of drug overdose.

I'm like our fearless leader [Jesus]. Where do I get my inspiration? I don't know. I just make fun of everything.

I'm not a good actor, I can play myself and a much gayer version of myself. That's my range.