Is it okay to roofie a girl just to shut her up?

We owe it to our troops to let them sleep in their own beds, wake up in the morning, have a delicious breakfast, and drive to war.

Sometimes, when I'm feeling down because nothing seems to be going right, I like to take a home pregnancy test. Then I can say, 'Hey, at least I'm not pregnant.'

By the way, nothing I ever say, ever, has any truth behind it.

Big, skinny, regular size it doesn't matter as long as your young.

I'm aware that I should end a joke with the good part, I choose not too.

I don't think I could stab somebody, cause I'm really bad at a Capri Sun.