My father wanted me to have all the educational opportunities he never had... so he sent me to a girls school.

I have high-definition television, because I felt the lack of resolution was affecting my ability to solve cases on C.S.I.

Is it okay to roofie a girl just to shut her up?

I assume the only reason we have them is so that white people feel relevant in sports. Because other than that the only thing the winter Olympics show me is which country has more rich white kids. What's it cost to go skiing - $900 a day? I can't believe that's not more popular in the inner cities.

I'll do anything usually if there's money involved and little work.

I'm not a racist or misogynist person, but I find these jokes funny, so I say them.

Spelling is difficult because there are too many rules. Silent letters only exist to make it harder for illegal immigrants to learn English.