I do think we can be a little less PC when it comes to sports, though. Just once I want to hear an announcer go 'God, black people are fast. Holy cow! All of them. They're fast. Back to you Bob.'

I don't think I could stab somebody, cause I'm really bad at a Capri Sun.

Ben Roethlisberger is Tim Tebow minus Jesus.

Yes, I am aware that I am the gayer version of Jeff Lewis.

Somebody bought me a Snuggie as a joke gift. Haha, the joke's on you, I enjoy it. I toss and turn at night, finally a blanket that's like, 'I'm going to keep you warm.' It's like having a small child with polio keep you in a full nelson - the perfect pressure.

It's not a stereotype if it's always true.

If security guards aren't allowed to carry guns, I don't have to obey their made up rules.