I put a What Would Jesus Do bracelet on my Jewish friend's wrist and it burned his skin. He threw it on the ground, it turned into a serpent, we both started laughing. We left it there, we hate snakes. We think they're slimy, even though we know they're not.

Models: I'm not voting for you for any stupid magazine list! If you were really that Hot you wouldn't have to beg the world to stuff the ballot.

I go to the dentist every six months, I get a cleaning, so... I'm fortunate enough that those fluoride treatments as a child worked. Not getting any cavities.

Babies aren't dishwasher-safe.

Big can be beautiful - just not to me. I find you disgusting; freshmen 15 is not a life sentence.

I have no real talents. If I could make a living at a normal job, I'm sure I would do that.

You know who makes a great first impression? Liars.