Being an ugly woman is like being a man. You're gonna have to work. Yep.

I worked in Toronto for two days. And by work I mean sit in a trailer for 15 hours, say two lines, and leave.

Girls can fake orgasms, but boys can fake love.

Being an ugly woman is like being a man. You're gonna have to work. Yep.

I assume the only reason we have them is so that white people feel relevant in sports. Because other than that the only thing the winter Olympics show me is which country has more rich white kids. What's it cost to go skiing - $900 a day? I can't believe that's not more popular in the inner cities.

I like my women like I like my coffee . . . I don’t like coffee.

I don't know what's funny and what's not so I test out all of my material in front of audiences.