I don't know what's funny and what's not so I test out all of my material in front of audiences.

I don't want to develop a personality, just cut my face! Stretch it and staple it. Now I'm happy, or at least I look like it.

You don't gossip while your man is driving. You sit there quietly until you're about 5 minutes from your destination then you say, would you like some road head?

Bill Hicks is a huge influence. I love him.

The hardest working person in showbusiness has never been or ever will be a 'famous person'.

Something horrible happens and I try to make it funny. It's really a tortured life. You go to a salsa bar, at your local burrito stand, and you know, you think "how can you make a joke about this?"

No touching... Cashmere is highly sensitive to the oil in poor people's fingers.