I like my women like I like my coffee . . . I don’t like coffee.

How come everybody cheers when chicks flash their T&A, but when I pull out my D&Bs, i'm a registered sex offender.

It's funny... you can make fun of AIDS or Haiti, but if you make fun of some starlet in Hollywood's looks? That's like the one thing... the line you are not to cross.

A gynecologist is the dentist for the downstairs mouth.

I will not date a woman from China, because that is a big red flag.

Yes, I am aware that I am the gayer version of Jeff Lewis.

If you snort enough blow, any lane is a passing lane.