I don't know, maybe I'm immature, but I still find it funny if I dump cold water on my girlfriend when she's in the shower.

They say money doesn't buy happiness. That phrase should end with 'just kidding'.

I put a What Would Jesus Do bracelet on my Jewish friend's wrist and it burned his skin. He threw it on the ground, it turned into a serpent, we both started laughing. We left it there, we hate snakes. We think they're slimy, even though we know they're not.

I hope God speaks English. If I get up to heaven and have to point at a menu, I'm gonna be pissed.

Germany's like Wisconsin, but with, like, a really bad past.

How about we get rid of separate bathrooms for boys and girls? Gays and straights share the bathroom with zero issues. We need to put an end to the sexist pooping policies of yesterday. The only way to achieve gender equality is to start crapping in front of each other.

The flat-brimmed cap is the modern day dunce cap.