If it weren't for men, this planet would be overrun with giant spiders.

If you had to eat another human to survive, do you think they'd taste like their ethnic background?

No touching... Cashmere is highly sensitive to the oil in poor people's fingers.

I think if you're gonna get a tattoo, just get one: the words, 'I'm dumb.' That's it. That way in 10 years, when you go, 'Why did I get this?,' you can be like, 'Oh, I'm dumb!'

God does not hate gay people. He's just mad because they found a loophole in His system.

You don't gossip while your man is driving. You sit there quietly until you're about 5 minutes from your destination then you say, would you like some road head?

Big, skinny, regular size it doesn't matter as long as your young.